Kevin found Vinny interesting. She was trying so hard to organize them, the job, the way she wanted before she went back to school next month. At the same time not noticing that Derick was finding ways to spend extra time with her. He doubted that going back to uni with a werewolf boyfriend was in her plans.
The woman could cook like nobody’s business. But that wasn’t that remarkable. No, the thing that he found interesting was her ability to manage the mass of males into a less messy state without any of them resenting her. It was harder than it sounded. But she had gotten all of them to start caring about where they left their dirty dishes. And not because she nagged them, no, she just looked so disappointed when they left a mess.
Her first week, she had cleaned the living room, then went for groceries. While she was out Kogan and Thea had a contest for who could throw the most popcorn into his mouth while he was a five foot high urn. Mostly they hadn’t. Vinny came home and looked at the mess on the floor and didn’t say anything. She didn’t get mad. No. It was worse. She just looked exhausted, like she was going to cry. She left the groceries in the kitchen and went up to her room and called her friend Jenn and sobbed that it was a hundred times worse that the shit JJ would pull and she didn’t realize it was going to be like being the house mom to a group of toddlers.
While Kevin, was eavesdropping, Kogan and Thea had cleaned up the mess.
No one ever mentioned it again.
Kevin wasn’t sure if any of the others knew she almost quit that day. Maybe they did. Kogan was better at reading people than most. Of course, her profound disappointment hadn’t done anything to make Thea relax around her. Fuck, the drider had it bad. Kevin had kind of being cheering for Thea. Not that it would help, the guy was so shy. Still, he had hoped he would get to see some kinky drider suspension shit.
He had inadvertently seen most of the lads playing with themselves at one point or another. He knew what Thea was hiding. It would be interesting to see that in action sometimes.
Except, now she was spooning a scared werewolf in a thunderstorm. Kevin had no idea what that was going to do to the dynamic around here.
—–
Kevin hadn’t actually spoken to Vinny yet. She had spoken to him. He had listened. She didn’t have the furniture memorized in the house yet, so she didn’t always know when he was around. Sadly, he was going to have to change those things.
People didn’t think of mimics as people. Largely, they didn’t bother learning how they worked. A mimic was basically a cross between a hermit crab and a shapeshifter. Kevin was a basic, humanoid, admittedly a flexible one. He had an attached structure that looked like wood that he could mold into various shapes to hide in. Classically a chest, but it could be almost anything. But it was part of him. Organic and alive and currently drying out. He needed something to help keep himself from cracking and he needed her to not offer to buy him furniture polish.
He waited until she got up in the morning to have her shower. He moved out into the hallway to wait. This was the stressful part for him. In order to really be able to talk to her, he had to be exposed. People didn’t like that. His teeth were too big. It reminded him that they were potentially prey.
He converted his shell into something like a wooden pair of underwear. It made him look like the classic man wearing a barrel instead of pants that had been a Saturday morning cartoon joke until political correctness took it off the air. Then he stood at the top off the stairs and waited.
She came out of the bathroom wearing a robe and toweling off her hair. The little scream she gave when she saw him was not encouraging. Kevin swallowed his pride. There was no way to ask this without admitting his limitations. Not if he wanted her help.
And he did.
Right. Stick with that.
“I need your help.”
Vinny froze and looked at him. She didn’t actually say anything. She hadn’t left, but she was staring at his teeth with a deer in the headlights look on her face.
Kevin closed his eyes and then held a hand in front of his mouth, blocking her view of his teeth as he continued. “My shell is drying out. I can’t go buy lotion for myself. I am not a person, legally, and so anyone who can stuff me into their car can steal me.”
“What kind of lotion do you need? I have some you could borrow.”
OK, that was a good start.
He shook his head behind his hand. “I need something that is non toxic if eaten. Usually something in the natural products in the baby section works.”
He could see Vinny thinking. He wasn’t entirely sure that was going to be a good thing.
“If you have to worry about getting stolen, does that mean you can’t ever leave the house?” Kevin froze. Yes, fuck, he had been living under what was effectively house arrest for the last few years, but damned if he was going to admit that. Vinny wasn’t finished thinking, “Is that why you didn’t come out for dinner after the house maintenance day?”
And, the thing was, Kevin didn’t want to be a jerk. He just wasn’t prepared to answer those questions. “Nevermind, I’ll get someone else to help!” he snapped. Then he pulled his shell around him and stumbled down the stairs. The last thing he needed was her feeling sorry for him. Screw it! He would ask Kogan to pick something up on the way home from work. He made a point of blocking out how sick he had been the last time Kogan bought stuff for him. Neither of them had read that it contained mineral oil. It would be fine! Maybe he could use Thea’s credit card and just order off of amazon or-
Vinny called after him, “I’ll add it to the grocery list!”
Kevin skipped breakfast until Vinny had left the house. He finally went to the fridge and removed his carton of hard boiled eggs. When he closed the door, Bazur was on the other side watching him. Kevin jumped and dropped the carton. He snarled and cut loose with a string of curses that made even the gargoyle blush.
“You know any of us would bring you anything you need, right?” Bazur said softly.
Kevin gritted his teeth. “Yeah. But there is a difference between hiring someone to shop for me and being dependant on you.”
Bazur considered this, “Did you tell her that’s what you were doing?”
“I didn’t get to the part where I was going to give her money.”
Bazur watched as Kevin picked up his egg carton and carried it to the table. As Kevin inspected the eggs to pick the ones with the most damage, Bazur said quietly, “She’s just a normal person. You don’t have to hide from her. The more you talk to her, the easier it will be.”
Kevin tensed, “I don’t like people… outside of some very particular circumstances. You know where I was before I came here. There is nothing to stop her from taking me.”
Bazur frowned, “Well, aside from us not letting that happen, Vinny is not an asshole. She isn’t looking to set up a smuggling operation involving half starved, completely abused mimics.”
“Humans are all the same. They walk through the world completely self absorbed and don’t think about how their actions impact anyone else.”
—-
Kevin was reading in his room when Vinny knocked on his door. He ignored her. She knocked again, then hesitantly opened the door. “Kevin? I got you a couple of different options for moisturizer. I’m not sure you are going to like any of them, but they are returnable if we don’t open them.”
He stayed in his shell, but asked, “What did you get?”
Vinny pushed the door open and looked around the room. There wasn’t anywhere to sit, so she leaned against the doorway. “It was the edible part that was the problem. The first pharmacist I talked to – “
Kevin gritted his teeth and interrupted, “You talked to the pharmacist about me?”
Vinny stopped. She took a deep breath and blew it out. “I just asked what was a safe moisturizer for someone who might lick it. She suggested coconut oil. Do you think that will work?”
“I don’t like the smell.”
Vinny nodded and started to say something, then blushed, closed her mouth and turned to leave.
“What was the other thing?” Kevin asked.
“Nothing.”
“You said a couple of options. What was the other one?”
“You are already in a bad mood. I don’t want to make it worse.”
Kevin considered this, “Now I am curious.”
“OK… so I looked at their baby stuff and I couldn’t find anything that was food safe. But um… they have paw and nose lotion for….” She trailed off.
“You bought me dog lotion,” he said flatly.
Vinny swallowed, “You said natural baby products. But even then they have preservatives in them that didn’t sound editable.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s made with hemp butter and aloe, it’s all natural. You have to keep it in the fridge after you open it because there aren’t any preservatives. And since it is made to go on puppy noses, it doesn’t really have a smell that I could notice.”
“You opened the package?”
“Yeah, I figured if you didn’t want it, I could use it. It’s pretty nice.”
Kevin thought about that. “There is money in the dresser, take what you need to cover the cost.”
“Um… why don’t you try it out and see what you think first,” she suggested.
It pained him to say it, but he muttered, “Thank you,” before going back to focusing on his book and ignoring her,
She didn’t leave. No, Vinny just stood there watching him.
“What?”
“I don’t understand why you eat lotion.”
“I don’t eat lotion!”
“Right! Sorry!” she turned to leave.
“Wait.” he said softly. She stopped. He considered how to explain this. “My shell… it’s the outside of my body. So my hands are more like an interior skin. So, stopping thinking like a humie and imagine having to apply lotion with your tongue. It isn’t quite like that, but pretty damn close.”
“It is something you can get someone to help with?”
“Are you offering to rub lotion into my shell?”
Vinny froze. “That depends. Is it like giving a friend a mani-pedi? Or more like giving a friend a hand job?”
“What’s a mannypeddy?”
Vinny frowned, “Doing someone’s nails? I mean it’s the only part of me that I can image being described as a shell.”
Kevin hesitated. From what he could tell, it was about halfway in between, since on humans the only part the significantly changed shape was their dicks. It wasn’t really a reproductive thing, but then a hand job wasn’t a reproductive thing either. It was still incredibly intimate.
“It isn’t a sex thing,” he mumbled.
“But you aren’t happy with me helping,” Vinny suggested. “Do you need me to get one of the other guys?”
Kevin gritted his teeth. “I’m not particularly happy with asking anyone to help me.”
“What do wild mimics do?”
Kevin blinked, “Different diet, more exercise.”
Vinny tried to consider that. What she said was, “Look, you have a reputation for being a prankster. But if if this is a real thing and you are ok one of the others watching, I could rub lotion into your shell.”
This time Kevin came out of his shell, once again being a humanoid with a wooden chest crotch cover. He looked at her, “What are you getting out of this?”
Vinny shook her head. “Nothing! Except that maybe you will be a little friendlier if you aren’t itchy.” She stopped and headed to the door. “Look, if you don’t want my help, that’s fine. I’m just trying to be nice.”
With that she left.
Kevin had to think about all of that. He wanted her help. He wasn’t quite ready to ask.
